not language but a map: badassery, thy name is... →
madnessandsmiles asked: I have a bunch of friends who just watched Captain America for the first time, and they all said it was a “completely horrible movie. Dry and stupid” and also that Peggy Carter was “such a weak character! She does a disservice to all women. She’s completely dependent…
store guy: /extensively stares at boobs
me: yes, hello, i'm here because my mobile's not working. also if you could please stop looking at my breasts?
store guy: oh my god i wasn't looking at your breasts! - i mean, that, too, but... /slowly unbuttons shirt
me: ... why are you taking your shirt off now
store guy: /dramatically opens shirt to reveal iron man tee
me: /looks down at her captain america tee
store guy: /happy seal-clapping
me: oh my god we match
store guy: if we can't repair your phone, you can be damn sure we'll avenge it!
convalesces: soshite: convalesces: soshite: where can you buy time is there a time storm where time rains down does that mean time is like a fragment and all you gotta do is pick them up and piece them all together to gain a full time? actually no you have to walk through grass/caves and have wild encounters with them but most of the time you only get zubats and rattatas. Remember...
zulenha: ryuuzakiroth: sam-preg: last night we went out for dinner and our waiter told a really corny joke i laughed so hard i cried #what did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college #bison /CRYING SDKJNFSFÇDFSDLFASÇDSADASFDÇsaFKDS sdkfnsdfdg+sdçsals oh no how do i stop laughing
odair: omfg press alt+the reblog button praise god bless jesus hallelu
You're Gonna Go Far Kid: Lies I’ve Told My 3 Year... →
thepoetrycollection: “Lies I’ve Told My 3 Year Old Recently” Raul Gutierrez Trees talk to each other at night. All fish are named either Lorna or Jack. Before your eyeballs fall out from watching too much TV, they get very loose. Tiny bears live in drain pipes. If you are very very quiet…
milodrums: mangosgonewild: heyfunniest: A...
how the fuck do some people get boyfriends so easily like wtf do you just create them in your basement or what #that’s what howard stark did for his son
James: Heyyy bff you should totally be our secret keeper yeah??
Sirius: Nah dude. My animagus form, the reflection of my innermost soul, is a dog, the most loyal animal ever. You should probably go with guy who turns into a rat instead, the universal symbol for betrayal.
James: Ahh yeah dude you're right omg kay cool thanks bro
Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow dropped dead.
A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...
A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
A Brazilian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
Moffat: You have two cows. Both of them are your daughters time travelling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Da Vinci making you the rightful Queen of England.
An Irish Corporation: You have a million cows because they're fucking everywhere
Tumblr: You have 2 cows. You ship them together and make GIF posts screaming about how much you love your cows, but they should stop existing because they are so perfect.
Singapore Corporation: You have 2 cows. Cow-beh and Cow-bu
Because Pottermore just opened to the public,
withtheridingcrop: classyshippingblog: theamazingsketch: wing-hugs: dia-dhuit: hotsauceonpizza: tylerthelatteboy: okay—idiotas: I’d like to bring this back. My friend and I want to see if there’s any sort of relationship between Hogwarts houses and personality types (we’re using Myers-Briggs for this). If you’d like to participate, just reblog or reply to this post (or message me)...
How do you make holy water?
badwolfcomplex: catholicfemininegenius: Take ordinary water and boil the hell out of it. This is the best joke.
Top 10 Most Misunderstood Lines in Literary... →
amandaonwriting: 10. Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken Famous Quote: “I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” The United States’ most famous poet’s most famous poem is a timeless ode to the American ideals of “individuality” and “forging your own path.” It’s one of those poems that’s so famous, even people who hate poetry can quote it. These are the reasons it...
withtheridingcrop: tokene replied to your post: OH MY GOD THE FUCK. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN. WHAT CONTEST. THIS omg D: OMG DDDDDDD: ; A; Have fun okay. So jealous I cannot.
Anonymous asked: are you anime
ukeking: “I’M NOT ANIME!!!!!!!!” I SHOUT AS I RUN OUT MY FRONT DOOR WITH A PIECE OF TOAST IN MY MOUTH, RUSHING TO SCHOOL AS THE WIND CARRIES CHERRY BLOSSOMS FROM NEARBY TREES TO SURROUND ME IN A PINK SHIT STORM WHILE THE BIRDS CHIRP IN THEIR NESTS AND GLANCE DOWN AT MY WIND-SWEPT HAIR AND PANTING UKE EXPRESSION, ONLY TO SEE ME BUMP INTO THE ONE THAT MAKES MY KOKORO GO DOKI DOKI AND TRIP,...